


Back To December - Phan

by loki_fanboy420



Series: Dan & Phil/Phan [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Dan Howell Needs A Hug, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Character Death, Original Children Characters - Freeform, Phil Lester Needs a Hug, Smut Reference, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-10-06 11:58:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17344853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loki_fanboy420/pseuds/loki_fanboy420
Summary: 10 years later, Dan and Phil decide to move back in together.





	1. Chapter 1

It had been about 10 years since Phil had properly talked to Dan. A nice, full decade.

Besides pleasantries on Facebook and Twitter (yes, Facebook and Twitter were still relevant somehow), and occasionally meeting at some YouTube or "Internet Influencer" convention (they somehow still got invited to, despite both basically quitting YouTube at about the same time they drifted apart, 10 years ago), they don't talk anymore. And there was no fallout, no big fight, no "I hate you"s or "get out of my life"s, they just simply fell out of touch.

Phil married a beautiful woman, who unfortunately passed away, leaving him left to take care of their 16 year old son, Jay, and 18 year old daughter, Lucy, (both adopted), and Dan ended up stuck in a toxic relationship, that ended in flames when his husband divorced him for some 20-something hot-shot with a bigger ass than he'd ever have, ending with Dan having full custody of their 7 year old daughter, Julia, because his ex-husband just didn't care enough. 

Phil had turned his English Language and Linguistics degree into a teaching job, and Dan had went back to uni and got a Bachelor of Fine Arts and now helps write songs on the piano and guitar for other artists, even some big name ones, as well as working part-time for mental health and lgbtq+ charities.

So they both had their hands pretty full, so why did Phil have the undeniable urge to call him up after all these years and make plans to hang out or something. He was on his phone, at the ungodly time of 1:37 am, scrolling through stupidly old photos on his and Dan's Instagram, ones from 2018, 17, 16, 15, 14, years and years and years ago, back when they were still together, and by together, he means together-together. He thinks the romance, and what they, and everyone else who knew them personally back then, thought at the time would be an eternal 'honeymoon phase', ended with Interactive Introverts and Phil Is Not On Fire, but he isn't sure, because he was having his doubts back in May of that year.

'Fuck it' He thought. Phil closed out of the Instagram app and opened up the call menu on the phone. He had Dan's most recent number (or at least the last one Dan gave him the last time they met) saved into his contact, so he clicked onto the contact and pressed "call cellphone".

Everything in him screamed to hang up as the phone rang in his ear. It rang 8 times before the answering machine picked up.

"Hi, you've reached the cellphone inbox of Daniel Howell. If you're hearing this, it probably means I'm unable to answer your call right now. Please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!" Dan's recorded voice sent a shockwave through Phil's body. With shakey hands, Phil quickly hung up before the machine started to record.

Tears threatening to fall, Phil flopped back onto the bed and let out a sigh. 'That was a terrible idea,' he thought, 'It's nearly 2 in the morning, why the hell would anyone pick up the phone? There's literally no reason to cry over this.' Oh, but did he cry over this.

Turning onto his side, he reached out to grab a pillow. Burying his face in it, he started to sob. Tears started to wet the pillow as Phil tried his best to muffle his cries so he wouldn't wake Jay and Lucy up. Everything around him fell apart and he felt like there was no way he could ever put it back together.

But suddenly, the phone rang.

Phil sat up, cleared his throat, and wiped away (most) of the tears before answering. 

"Hello?" Phil said, fighting the urge to sniff and burst into tears again.

"Who... Who is this?" Dan's voice crackled through the shitty connection, confusion laced through it.

"Uh, I'm Phil," he replied, biting his lip and willing Dan to recognize his voice.

"Phil? Like Phil Lester?"

"Um, yeah.. This is Dan Howell, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, but Phil?! Why are you calling?! It's 2 am!"

"Um, I, I misdialed. Sorry for waking you," Phil tried to convince Dan, and himself, that was the truth.

 

"No you didn't," Dan spoke quietly.

"W-what?"

"Philip Michael Lester, I've known you since 2008, you did not misdial. Why are you calling? Is everything okay?" Concern filled his voice, most obviously for Phil's mental state.

"Yeah, everything's fine, as fine as it can be, and I was, um, just feeling nostalgic and didn't realize the time. Sorry, again, for waking you up..." Phil trailed off, reaching a hand up to rub the back of his neck.

"Oh." '"Oh" was right'  Phil thought as he grimaced into the phone. He knew he had fucked up badly, he felt it in every fiber of his being. 'He's gonna hate me; He's gonna hate me; He's gonna hate me'  Rang through his head like a mantra, 'Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate me.' 

Dan's voice spoke up again, in such a quiet tone Phil thought he had a imagined it at first, "Maybe, we could, like, meet up for coffee or something? I'm sure I could make room at some point soon." Phil straightened up immediately, the hair on the back of his neck doing the same, his heart pounded as his mind raced to come up with a socially acceptable reply.

"Uh, sure! If you actually want to, that is, don't just do it to make me happy," Phil forced a laugh at the end, to make his statement sound less like a desperate cry for help and more like an actual joke.

"Ha! Of course I want to see you! I've actually been thinking about meeting up for a while. Damn, that sounds weird now that I've said it out loud." Dan laughed and Phil could hear  his smile, and it went straight to his heart, causing a physical pain in his chest.

"Aww, you haven't forgotten about me," Phil mocked in a cooing voice.

"Shut up, haha." Dan fucking giggled. 38-year-old Daniel James Howell just fucking giggled at his ex-boyfriend over the phone.

'God, was he always this cute? Why did I give him up again?' The intrusive thought barged it's way into Phil's mind, completely wrecking him even more than he thought a person could be wrecked.

"It is pretty late, how about you text me tomorrow morning and we can discuss than?" Phil replies quickly, eager to end the conversation so he could start to process everything that had happened.

"Sure. I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"Yeah..."

"Goodnight, Phil. Go get some sleep now."

"I'll try. Goodnight, Dan"

As soon as he heard the click of Dan hanging up, Phil dropped the phone, not caring where it landed, and fell backwards onto the bed. Turning over, he groaned it the pillow. Phil was not going to be able to sleep tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi!!! so i decided to start writing fanfic again! i'm actually more excited for this fic than i've been with any others before, and i'm determined to finish this one!! i'm hoping i'll be able to post on monday and friday evenings (in my time zone). tell me what you think and want to see in this story and maybe it might be included [wink wonk ;)]!!


	2. Chapter 2

Phil awoke in a groggy state, hair messed up and crust almost gluing his eyes shut. He must of passed out at some point while thinking of Dan. All he could remember of his vivid dream now was a foggy image of Dan sitting in front of him, face bathed in sunlight, practically glowing.

Cursing himself, Phil rubbed his eyes and yawned. Saturday's were pretty uneventful. Weekdays were filled with school and work (with that being one in the same for Phil), with different extracurricular activities sprinkled throughout. Fridays were for family movie night (granted both teens were not hanging out with friends). Sundays had brunch, sometimes eaten out at a restaurant, and in the evening Jay had ballet practice. Saturdays were lazy days, reserved for take out and lying about.

"Oof!" Phil cried out as Buffy, the family's fat shibe, decided that Phil's chest would be the best place for her to collapse, "The hell do you think you're doing, huh? You just want attention, don't you?" He brought his hand to her head and scratched behind her ears. Buffy licked his face and woofed.

"Okay, that's enough, get off," Phil pushed her off his chest and sat up, "You know you need to eat less, right? I can't carry you anymore." Buffy just hopped off the bed and wandered off, paying no attention to Phil's well meaning advice. But that didn't matter much, as Phil's phone vibrated, alerting him to a new text message.

Dan: hey

Dan: are you awake yet??

Phil smiled as he unlocked his phone to reply to Dan's messages.

Phil: Yeah hbu?

Dan: i think? idk

Dan: u woke me up at like 2am and then julia woke me up at 6:30 bc she was "bored"

Phil: Haha lol sorry!!

Phil: Julia is your daughter right?

Dan: its okay lol

Dan: yeah she is, we really havent caught up lately, have we?

Phil: No we haven't

Dan: that's what were texting eachother for tho, right?

Phil: Right.

Dan and Phil texted back and forth for a good 20 minutes, before coming to a solid plan.

Dan and Phil texted back and forth for a good 20 minutes, before coming to a solid plan. They were to meet at 2 pm, next Saturday, at a small Starbucks a few blocks from Dan's apartment.

Dan: that sounds good

Dan: ttyl?

Phil: I've gotta eat and grade essays now, so I guess so lol

Phil smiled softly to himself as he and Dan said there goodbyes and turned his phone off. He forced himself to get out bed and make breakfast, nothing special, just black coffee and some toast, and started working on grading schoolwork.

All morning, the only thing he could think about was Dan Howell. He couldn't wait until next Saturday, it was killing him to even think about how far away that was.

'I wish I could hire someone to speed up time.' Phil snorted at the thought, as it dragged him straight back to 2009, 'God I'm such a fucking nerd.' Phil wanted to finish grading his student's work, he really did, but at this point it seemed entirely impossible while the image of oak brown eyes and perfect dimples swirled around his brain.

'The fuck is wrong with me?'

Around 12 o'clock, Jay came down the stairs, fully dressed.

"I'm going out," He said.

Phil looked up from the endless pile of essays he was working through, "Where to?"

"The mall." Jay walked to the front porch and began to put his boots on.

"Have breakfast first at least!" Phil called out.

"I'm getting Starbucks. Also I'm taking the car."

"Alright, wear a coat and stay safe."

"Of course, Dad." Jay came back into the living room to grab the keys out of the dish on the coffee table.

"Be back by dinner time."

"Fine. Bye, Dad," Jay held his hand out for a highfive, his way of "hugging".

"Bye Jay, love you," Phil reached out and returned the gesture.

"Bye." Jay returned to the front door and loudly closed it behind him.

Phil sighed, wondering when Jay got so old, when Phil himself got so old.

'Times change so fast,' Phil thought, dropping his purple pen (he thought red was too intimidating). At this rate, he was never going to finish his work.

'Oh well.'


	3. Chapter 3

"What the actual  _fuck_?" Dan groaned to himself, dropping his phone and rolling over to shove his face into a pillow.

Phil  _fucking_  Lester had called him last night at 2 in the _fucking_  morning and now they have plans to go out to lunch like the past 10 or so years hadn't even happened.

Why Dan agreed, he had no idea. Maybe it was because he felt guilty for not talking sooner, or maybe because he wasn't thinking properly, or, most likely, he was just to  _fucking_  socially inept to say no.

' _Or maybe you want him back_ ,' a tiny voice in the back of his head said.

"No, no, no, never, never will I get with anyone again," Dan replied out loud, " _Never_  again."

But the attention-seeking voice cried out again, 'But this is not just anyone, it's  _Phil_ , _Phil Lester_.'

"Ugh, fuck it." Dan rolled out of bed and made his way to the kitchen, hoping against hope that Julia was still in bed, as he was much to tired and stressed to even think about having to take care of a child. Dan made himself cereal and sat at the breakfast bar, contemplating what had happened this morning and what he had to do today. He had booked himself up way too much for him to handle. There was about a million papers he had to read and sign, dealing with copyright laws and shit (because the EU had the shittiest copyright laws in the entire fucking world), sheet music to finish for other artists, planning for school events with some charities he worked with, and, of  _course_ , on top of  _everything else_ , he was  _still_  trying to work through custody with his ex-mother-in-law. Julia was technically not even her child! God, did Dan hate that woman.

"Hi, Daddy." Dan turned to look in the direction the small voice had come from and saw his daughter staring up at him with her bright green eyes.

"Hey, Sweetheart," Dan replied, smiling weakly.

"What are you doing?" She spoke in a soft, posh accent, much like Dan's own when he was her age.

"Having breakfast, want some?" He asked

''Please?" She tilted her head to the side and rocked back and forth on her heels.

Dan smiled and stood, preparing her her own bowl of Fruit Loops.

"Thank you," She smiled wide and struggled into the tall chair; once seated, she spoke up again, "Do you have to work today?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry baby, I just have so much to get done." Dan sighed and Julia's face dropped.

"Can I help?" Julia's voice was sadder, but still held a bit of hope in it.

"It's all boring paperwork, not much for you to do, unless you really like reading about legal terms." Dan attempted to make a joke out of it, and Julia fell for it, giggling a little bit.

"Okay, Daddy."

They ate their cereal in mostly silence, besides Julia telling Dan stories about her plushies and dolls, as 7-year-olds tend to do. When they had both finished, Julia disappeared upstairs to play and Dan settled into the office get started on his work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i think i'm planning this to be about 20-30 chapters long lol, maybe more


	4. 4

_Saturday couldn't come fast enough._

Phil had been distracted all week. Flubbing his way through lessons, zoning out during teacher meetings and phone calls with his Mum.

But finally, the day arrived.

"Dad's going on a daaaate!" Lucy teased.

"I am not. I'm going out to meet up with an old friend I haven't talked to in a while." Phil replied as he put a contact in his right eye.

"Dad's going on a date?" Jay entered Phil's room and sat down on the bed next to Lucy.

"No ones going on any dates." Phil huffed, putting in the left contact.

"You dated him for like, what? 11 years or something?" Lucy raised her eyebrows at him.

"Yes, 10 years ago."

"Still..." Jay chimed in.

Phil sighed, fixing his hair for what seemed like the millionth time. He just couldn't get it to lie in the right way.

"Jay's right, besides, it's good that your finally getting back out there. You haven't really gone out anywhere with someone since Mum passed." An icy chill went through the room and Lucy realized her mistake pretty quickly, "Uh, I mean, that's fine of course, but, um, it's good to put yourself out there?" Lucy ended her statement as a question, but expected no answer.

Phil bit his lip and shrugged Lucy's comment off. He checked the time on his phone again and saw that the clock read 1:34.

"I should probably get going now." Phil said, slipping his phone into his pocket and taking one last glance in the mirror, before leaving the bedroom and making his way down the hall and then the staircase.

Lucy and Jay followed him downstairs, "Have fun on your date!" Lucy called out flopping down onto the couch.

"It's not a date!" Phil cried.

"Keep telling yourself that."

"Bye!" Phil shoved on his shoes and coat on and went out the door.

☆☆☆

Phil placed his hand on the door handle and pulled it open. The warm air greeted his face, a nice relief from the chilliness of the outside world. The smell of coffee wafted up to him as he made his way up to the counter to order himself a cup. After receiving his coffee, he sat down at a small table, meant for two, and waited. Soon enough, someone else entered the almost deserted Starbucks.

Phil looked up from his phone at the sound of the door chime and saw one of the best things he'd ever seen.

Dan had just walked in, stomping slush and ice from his boots and shaking snow out of his hair. He stopped, looked around, and spotted Phil. Dan came over to him, with a slight halo of snow still atop his head making him look like a literal angel, and spoke.

"Hey, Phil." He smiled.

"Hi." Phil returned the smile, but softer. His stomach swarmed with butterflies and he suddenly felt like he was 23 again and was meeting Dan for the very first time, as opposed to the billionth.

"It's been a while," Dan said, sliding down into the chair across from Phil.

"I guess it has been," Phil replied, a small laugh etched into the end of his sentence.

"You look different," Dan leaned forward a bit, resting his elbows on the table, "You have facial hair now," He smirked.

"And you've barely changed," Phil raised an eyebrow and leaned back.

Dan laughed, little lines appearing in the corners of his eyes and lips, "Really? I still look like a 16-year-old?" His eyes glistened, lighter and darker shades of copper and brown and the shitty lighting in the Starbucks creating rings of light in them. He brought his hand up to his curls and mussed with them for a few moments before letting them be. Phil found himself staring, fondness appearing on his face as he looked over Dan's fair complexion and perfectly round cheeks, where his dimples and a few small spots were.

' _He's barely aged at all,_ ' Phil thought. ' _Daniel James Howell's perfect fucking face and wrinkle-less skin and baby fuzz where he should have grown facial hair by now taunted him, making him feel every single second of his age and how he grew up so fast and how far apart they were now, as Dan had been kept in the spotlight with his music and charity work, while Phil had went back to university and started teaching in a private school that was a half-an-hour drive from his house, and that Phil had a mortgage and two teens while Dan was living in a flat downtown and still struggling to get over his ex, and while all this had happened maybe Phil had aged too much and Dan had barely aged at all, highlighting the unfairness of everything and maybe they should't have broken up and maybe Phil shouldn't have moved out and maybe neither of them should've moved on and maybe creating a YouTube channel was a mistake and maybe-_ '

But Dan was talking again now, and had asked Phil a question, "So, how's work been?"

"Uh, pretty good," Phil answered, trying to wipe anything that would betray his inner monologue off his face, "What about you?"

"Yeah, its been pretty good for me as well, uh, do you mind if I get up and grab a coffee quickly?"

"Uh, no, it's fine." Phil watched Dan smile again and stand, turning and walking to the counter. Phil also caught myself watching his ass as he walked away.

Dan came back after receiving his coffee and they talked, a lot.

They mostly made small talk about work and family, but the did do some reminiscing on the past and YouTube and shit. Talking about their old channels, tours, books, etc, etc. As most people do, they both tended to glorify the past.

"Do you ever, just like,  _miss_  doing YouTube? Like just being able to do whatever you want and people would still watch?" Dan traced his fingers along the edge of his coffee lid.

"You still basically do that," Phil laughed in response.

"Yeah, but it's different. I'm still  _technically_  my own boss, but I have to follow rules and directions from others, and most of it isn't for myself," He had a far-off look in his eyes and worried his bottom lip, as if in some sort of nostalgia-induced trance.

"Well I certainly don't miss the lack of job security," Phil joked in response, eliciting a weak laugh from the other man.

"Yeah..." The conversation died off and they both looked away, suddenly both were more interested in examining the table and their near empty coffee cups than talking to each other. Dan's phone angrily beeped at him and he checked it.

"Oh, um, I have to pick Julia up from the babysitter's..." He trailed off again, looking back up at Phil.

"Uh, yeah, of course," Phil scratched the back of his neck, "I should probably get back home too."

They both stood up from their seats and Dan spoke, "Well, it was nice speaking to you, maybe we could do this again sometime," He smiled and Phil felt his face heat up as he remembered his own kids taunts of going on a 'date'.

"Yeah, I'd like that."


End file.
